Just When I Knee'd You

As a follow up to the previous post I will try to describe the immediate reactions I had to running my half-marathon.

1. Cold
2. Hunger
3. Pain

Post run my body "cooled down" quickly and wholeheartedly. I'm concerned about where the blood actually went, because I am certain I lost all of it from my feet and hands. My heart rate was still in a healthy range. So my only guess is that emergency repairs were ordered on my muscles and my brain was like "Oh, shush, Appendages. You spend all of the times complaining about the cold. If you keep up the whining, I'll take all of the blood away." And then it did. The end.

Left: Zombie Hand of the Tundra

Even after a properly long shower I was in a state known as "shivering wreck." The only solution I had was to put on as many layers as I had energy for and to crawl under all of the blankets. I wasn't sleepy but I was horribly cold.

Don't get me wrong my legs were leadened. But muscle pain is familiar. What was not familiar was the level of hunger I was experiencing. Complete no brainer tip that everyone else probably remembered:

Eat food before a marathon. Even if you're only going to do half.

I had a half a bowl of corn flakes pre-run. Lite milk. No sugar. Not saying that I don't have fuel reserves to stay in motion well beyond the corn flakes. But my body wanted easy to use sugar when all it had was muscle and fat for a large portion of the run. The last three kilometers my stomach was growling non-stop. Chugging electrolyte-laden beverages made the pain go away for a while and I forgot about it almost entirely when my temp dipped. Lying huddled under the blankets, the degrees inching up, I was suddenly in the mood for all of the food. I wanted to eat everything. I settled for steak.

Food, glorious food.

I had pineapple juice with it which burned my mouth horribly. But I think it made me feel better than beer would've.

The weird thing was for the next week I was insatiably hungry. I wanted to eat constantly. Any portions, any food. It felt like my body had checked me out of the entire being-healthy process because clearly I was trying to kill it.

The last little remainder which I haven't quite gotten over is the pain. Much like what I imagine happens during childbirth, I have forgotten the pain experienced during the actual event. On the other hand, all of the evidence of impact has been slow to heal and go on its merry way. I have a foot that has blisters on every toe (thanks, Rain, you dumb jerk). The other foot lost its big blister, which was at the tip of the baby toe. It hurts all the time now. My left knee had been playing up from about half-way through the run. It is now in a place where it hurts to use it but it also hurts if it stays in one place for too long. My trainer is convince we can work on it over time.

Only issue is I signed up for a 10 k next month.

Running, Man.

I have officially completed a half-marathon! I did an underwhelming job of it, but technically done is the best kind of done!

I ran into a number of SNAFUs which I will be sure to avoid in the future.

1. Preparation
2. Technology
3. Biology
4. Weatherproofing
5. Hubris

Preparation
The evening before the run, I was not in bed by my bedtime. With a wake-up planned at 6:30am we didn't get home from karaoke until around abouts midnight. We went to karaoke because it was a friend's birthday and it was great to see everyone. We were even promised food. There was lots of singing, which was fun. There was also heaps of booze, which was tempting. Finally, there was an absence of food, which was sad. We left the shindig at 11:30 so the car wouldn't get locked in the parking garage overnight and we skedaddled home. On the way we made an emergency stop at Wendy's (the dinner of champions!) and power-choked-down all of the delicious badness before high-tailing it to bed.

Technology
I have lost all of the trust I have ever had in my friggen alarm. I mean...on any given Saturday morning, I'm up before the butt-crack of dawn anyhow, but for some reason my alarm fails to set itself the one Sunday I needed it. Luckily the cat was freaking out or we might not've made it. As it was we had 15 minutes to eat, dress, and otherwise get ready before we had planned to leave for the event. There was no time for morning coffee.

We luckily did make it on time. Traffic was clear and there was plenty of parking. There was about a 10 minute walk which made for a barely acceptable warm-up. There was even enough time for some stretching and a coffee as I tried not to attach the running number to any skin-parts. The men's half started first, so I was left to my own devices for the next 15 minutes. I spent most of this time not being prepared for what I was about to put myself through. By the time it was time to start I was anxious enough to get a move on. The first kilometer was going to be over the beach and I was a bit worried about going too fast over the soft sand and getting tired, so I fired up the MP3 player and focused on pacing. I was pretty proud I was holding a slow steady rhythm coming up to the first k marker just as the *BEEPBEEP* of the dying device sounded off through my headphones. 20 km left to go.

Biology
It was morning, I had skipped most of my usual start-of-the-day routine and the coffee was clearing through the half-bowl of corn flakes that made up my breakfast. As a human, stopping was required.

Weatherproofing
Right at about the same time my MP3 player decided it wasn't in the mood for a half-marathon, the skies opened up and started to mourn the loss of music with me. That's right, it started raining. I was wearing a jacket and in the chill of the rain I forgot all of the advice I read about not wearing things that will hold water against you when it's raining because it will become stupid cold later on. That was a problem for future me. I just let the jacket "block" (absorb) all of the rain water as I trucked along, gaining at least a kg of water weight along the way. At about the 5 km mark, my foot landed in it's first real puddle. Any hope of making it through with anything resembling dry feet was gone. So why even bother trying to avoid all of the other puddles? (<--This is a stupid statement. Always avoid all of the puddles. No puddle is worth it.)

Hubris
I had hit about 9 km and it wasn't the end of the world. I was a little dehydrated but I was warm from holding the pace and I hadn't fallen into the mud going down the mountain. Everything was going to be fine. I was avoiding looking at the time and avoiding thinking about much except for my pace. And then a marathoner showed up. She was friendly and cool. This was her 6th marathon and she was studying kinesiology and asked if we could run together. We chatted for a while and kept running together. At the 10 km mark, my knee started to twinge. If left on my own I would've likely stopped and stretched it out. But I needed to not look like a lame-o and so I pushed through. I mentioned the tightness going up the next hill and it was recommended that I run through it. At the 13th kilometer we had to part ways; she had a time she was aiming for and I was pretty sure I hurt myself. After a good stretch and a short jog I realized I would be walking much of the rest of this event.

New moan, ya?

I have not died! Not for lack of trying. Nearly two months of avoiding 100% oxygen did cause quite a bit of discomfort.

Atypical pneumonia is stink. Not only do you sound weird for having it, you also don't get the exciting and sexy experience of almost dying in the ICU like with normal pneumonia.

Look at those sexy thin blankets...

The nearly 3 weeks of antibiotics have cleared out most of the lung stuff, so they are now in recovery. Which means they are learning to breath again! I am actually very excited, because being winded by sitting is not fun.

Speaking of learning to do a basic task again...I only have 2 full weeks left until I have to be able to run again. Poopsicle. I tried the ol' "Run 5 k's like you usually do." routine today and it only sounded like I smoked a bag of ground up bees who were still angry. 40 minutes though. As long as I can push through the angry-bee-lung-itis, it should be a decent experience. The beach and view where the marathon (or half in my case) takes place is B-E-A-U-tiful.

Plus soft sand for easy burial when I keel over at the end.

I'm so going to die.

Under Controlled

I have officially lost control of my life.

I have long since abandoned my beginning of the year tasks. I remember I was supposed to be learning to do a handstand. Otherwise I have no idea what the goals were. Yes, I do realize I could go back through the blog...but the fact of the matter is that if I was on top of things and doing them then I'd totes be able to remember them without looking them up.

Oh well.

In addition to work (which has gotten stupid busy the last few weeks). I have over-committed myself with 3 major projects:

• 8 Week Fitness Challenge (Like the 12 week one...but shorter
• University! This includes study buddy sessions.
• Sales...for fun and profit!

I've really got to get my act back in gear. Back to when I wasn't constantly running behind. Back to when I had a lot more sittin' around time.

Scrummy Life

At work there is a process with our IT team called the Scrum. It involves everyone saying everything that needs to get done, figuring out how long each thing will take and how important it is to the business. Once all of that information is ready everyone goes into a meeting room and fights to get their projects done.
I've been avoiding going to those meetings because I like to picture it as a rugby scrum with project files being torn out of hands and tossed across the room. I have a feeling I will someday be disappointed.

Get the WFP tool!

I have been treating my weekends with this same mentality. I make a big long list of everything I need to do and then I figure out which ones are a pain in the keister and which ones are important and try to figure out the overlap. Now since it's a personal thing I'm still having trouble making the things that are a pain seem more important. Even though they likely totally are.

Option A: Wash Cat with Sharp Claws

Option B: Make Delicious Waffles

So the goal going ahead will be to actually remember all the things that need doing and not limit the doing of the things to a single day. Otherwise everything will carry over to the next sprint and then we'll need to expand the team. Ugggg...who came up with the bright idea of being a grown up?

Banana Mana Fo Fanna

The diet is done. But I'm planning to stay healthy. And I'm a terrible person.

I've roped others into my delusion of healthy lifestyle but then I try to entice them to cheat.

Tonight I was supposed to make a ragu type dillio with the veggies and the meats and the sauce. It would've been tasty too. Except there are no veggies and limited spices. Alternative was looking like chilli with no chillis or substitute peppers of any kind. (Which is kinda lame).

Suggestion from the "dieter":

Murder Burger

And to make sure it feels like I've contributed for the evening I made a banana bread. Which is really just like a cake.

Cat(ch) Me

I have a minor goal this year of getting my cat comfortable with me picking her up.

As of right now she super hates it.

So for the past week I have been picking her up (briefly...kitty's got claws) and setting her back down right in front of some nice soft food. This is something she super loves.

The goal is to associate the picking up with the noms so she gets more accustomed to it and lets me hold her someday.

Today she has figured out my clever ploy. She ran away from me four times while I was trying to subtly hoist her from the safety of the ground.

I will be trying again. But I wish my cat was a little dumber.

Waxing Poetic

The hair on my legs prove I haven't shaved much
Fuzzy, not smooth, if you dare to touch
I feel it wave in the breeze
All the way to my knees
What will the masses think if they see such?

So pretty soon I will be going and getting them waxed. I had a wax last time. It wasn't so bad but growing back in is tortuously itchy. Like, I would give so many secrets away if put in a position to make the itching stop.

My leg hair is blonde and I use this to avoid getting them waxed. But I'm not quite certain they are as unnoticeable as I try to pretend they are. I also dread the itch.

Go, go 8 weeks' growth!

Test...Test...Test

I have taken the bold an fearless step of trying to blog from a mobile device.

Unheard of, I know. To all of those who worry about my sanity, know this:

A mobile device is nothing more than a teensy weensy computer that is prone to falling in toilets.

Damn'p

It's that time of year again. Time for the misery and the wet.

I am starting to miss the dry cold of the far north. This wetness is nonsense. I am now cold all the time and somehow damp as well.

This reaction conveys too little rage.

Mostly my toes are what is wet. I have yet to understand it. I am not sweating and I remain shod throughout the day. If my 4th grade science class taught me anything, there's something happening with condensation and the fact that my feet are already super cold compared to the air.

Just imagine feet instead of a refreshing beverage...for SCIENCE!

My only plan is to start carrying extra socks. Also to get wool socks. Because of wicking.

Super looking forward to the damp months ahead!

My Year! Where is she going?

I got a magezine in the mail recently. I was expecting it so that's no biggie.

What I wasn't expecting was for it to be assuming that I was failing at life this year.

There was a list of 80-things-that-you-should-start-doing-because-you-probably-already-failed-at-your-resolutions...loser.

Joke's on them - I never started "resolutions". Mwahaha. I did read this list. And a lot of stuff was things I was doing anyhow as a responsible human. Take that world! I can behave like a grown-up without your reminders!

Thus far I have accomplished

1. No eating nice things for 3 months.
2. Can almost do a handstand using the wall to walk up.
3. Enrolled in university.
4. Played some piano but wasn't progressing very much then life got busy so I stopped for a while.
5. Panicked over my crippling debt. Resolved to never have nice things.
6. Remembering the cold and how much I hate to feel it.

So fairly productive if I do say so myself.

I have been behaving as responsibly as is feasible. I find the less money I have the more feasible it is to act like a grown up. "No I can't come to the bar, I'm just going to have an early night."

Also, if you stop eating crap foods for a while (like 3 months) and then try to eat them again...you poop like a baby. You basically have to shower before you feel like you are presentable in public again. This becomes further incentive to not eat crap foods. But sometimes you really just need to have a strawberry-cheesecake chimichanga...and future you can deal with that shame.

But the year is 1/3 over. My life is a pattern of trying to claw my way out of debt and looking at shiny things I can't have. But someday...someday all of the nice things will be mine. And I will rule over them all and crush those who dare oppose me!

Diet-bolical

So there's this thing that some people who live in this house with me right at this moment don't get about food. I'm not gonna name names. This is likely because you would have no idea as to who the name belongs to. Although it gives the impression of being passive-aggressive. So win-win!

That thing is that food is a fun experience. It's not just something to be enjoyed (points when it can be though). It's about trying something new and trying for something better. If human-persons did not care about better food, everyone would follow the English tradition of boiling the bejeeberz out of everything.

It's okay, I'm allowed to say it. Some of my friends are English

So I've been trying to experiment with food. And sometimes experiments go kerblewie. Not all the time and not just yet this year. But I was trying to explain the shenanigans I'm planning - culinarally speaking - and was given a skew look. All will be made clear on the day (the "some people" is a Visual/Kinaesthetic learner).

On the topic of food - which I came up with so cleverly and allows for this conveniently placed segue - I'm planning on challenging myself very soon to eat a lot of very healthy vegetables and meat and more vegetables (for roughage) and not much else. This challenge lasts for 12 weeks and is aptly named "The 12 Week Challenge". I think there is a February start date. It hasn't been officially announced so I am just anticipating it.

To make the transition easier - I'm currently trying to avoid too much junk in my weekdaily life. My weekenddaily life is a whole nother story.

That's right champagne, brandy and vodka.

Part of the challenge is foregoing boozamahol. Which is totes doable. But also totes disappointing. This also poses another challenge as it were since there is a Pub Hunt going on while I'm doing the challenge. I'll be able to manage (I have done it before) but it will be a toughie.

Why must the things that cause me to make a fool of myself, vomit till blood vessels burst, and awaken with the feeling that I have recently contracted the plague in a desert also be the things that are bad for me? Why?

Twofer

I've been doing things!!! So the New Year's resolution thing is something I've been avoiding doing. That's why my last list was not made up of official resolutions. But I do have one "resolution". I resolve to learn how to do, and actually become capable of, doing a handstand this year. As for the other do-hickeys that I be doin'...
#1...VLOG
It has definitely been agreed to and scheduled. Still haven't found that pesky video camera. I will be checking the PBX room at work for it. That seems to be where doo-dads get hidden.
Side note...I learned that the PBX (private branch exchange) used to be called the PABX (private analogue branch exchange) and some people continue to do so referring to it as a private automatic branch exchange instead so they don't have to re-remember anything. /endsidenote
#2...PEEano
I have definitely looked into teachers. I have also looked into online self learning. Neither seem appealing. But I really want to learn. I will try the free option first. I'm settin' myself a reminder in my calendar. If I haven't made progress by Easter I'll queue up a teacher.
Sound fair, internet world?
#3...Marathon
My cousin is training for a marathon in the States. She technically announced she was doing it first. But she did it on Facey-thingy instead of in the Blog-o-sphere. She also has run half-marathons for realsies. So she may have a leg-up on me.
I also still hate running which may prove to be a roadblock.
#4...HAP-PENIS!
I have made a dent in the mess that is my general surroundings. It's not gone, mind you. I don't think that is possible. But a definite dent has been made.
Points for me!
#5...Travel
Work has returned and though the idea of travel is the bees knees...I may be lacking energy in the planning phase. We'll see how this goes.

And now for the other thing...
I made a thing!!!!

The shorts are 100% wearable and about 43% flattering. Mostly the pattern distracts everyone from the everything else. They include all of the following fine features:

1. A genuine working zipper.
2. Two separate leg-parts which are the same circumference and length!
3. Some pretty snazzy darting to make them fit better which wasn't even on the pattern but I totally pulled off...just sayin'.
4. Room for improvement.

So they aren't super perfect. But they'll be good for going to the beach. I'm planning on sewing things on occasion. I have fabric. Some of it is nice and I'm practicing on the less nice stuff before I attempt mangling the nice stuff. I will very likely mangle it. Hence the shorts. Assembly montage follows.

(I did not re-include the finished one but as a pro tip, you can scroll up if you'd like to see it again.)